We could all see a strange event in the sky, a few weeks ago, here in the Netherlands. The weather was still warm, but in the evening a thunderstorm came. But it was only lightning. The thunder was nowhere to be heard. And it wasn’t occasional lightning, but no, it went on for a while like you’ve never seen. Very strange. Of course, more people noticed it. My neighbors across the street stood outside, filming it. And Twitter also went wild about what a strange phenomenon it was. Of course, the day after, the meteorological explanations for the phenomenon appeared in the news, upon which everyone immediately forgot it again. But still, it remains an extraordinary sign in the sky.
That same night I had a dream that I was in some kind of clinic with all kinds of other people. It was a combination of my vacation work (working in the fields) and some kind of clinical therapy setting. I don’t remember all things that happened in this dream. But at one point I do remember that I was in a kind of room. There were a few dangerous people. I saw a naked man, with no genitals: nothing between his legs. I had to sit down. I knew what they were going to do, but I fully cooperated. A woman drilled a big thick long needle into my eye. I didn’t feel any pain. They wanted to start taking me over that way, but it didn’t work and everyone was surprised. I walked around with that needle in my eye and made contact with several dangerous people, who were all surprised. The woman told me that there was a bone in the way in my head, and that’s why they couldn’t take me over. I do still remember that I cooperated fully with everything, and the dangerous people told me that they were very proud of me, just as Desmond and Anke, my therapists in my clinical treatment, did, when the treatment was almost over, whereupon Anke gave me the Philosopher’s Stone (see Chapter Clinical treatment). Moments later, the dangerous people in my dream even wanted to castrate me. I would then look just like the naked man with no genitals. Gentle and full of sorrow, I said, “But I don’t want that at all!” And unexpectedly, they listened to me.
I woke up and then saw a text on Facebook, that some people cannot be replaced. Strange. It almost boosted my ego, and it gave me some fighting spirit. Meanwhile, my Facebook feed was completely filled with pictures of Adèle (the singer). A photo from a few years ago next to a photo from now, for example. She’s lost so much weight, and I just know it’s because she’s been taken over, and a side effect of that is sometimes you get a completely different physique, because the charge center in your body is then located differently, and certain blockages in experiencing emotions - causing you to gain fat in these places - are repaired. After all, I have seen this in many people around me. I posted this with the pictures that came along. I got a thumbs up from some people, but it did also anger multiple people, because Adèle is so perfect in their eyes, doing so much good, that they can’t imagine that she sold her soul, or rather allowed herself to be taken over. I also got some comments from people taking it out of context and ridiculing me. Oh well, it usually doesn’t take much to put the fire out in me again, and I somewhat crawled back into my shell with a slight amount of sadness. Then on Facebook these little texts appeared: “No matter how good you are, you will be replaced.” And this: “I had to make you uncomfortable, otherwise you never would have moved.” Image. And this: “The first art of kings is to endure hatred.” Image. And well, now I am thrown back into myself for a moment. Had expanded my chapter The Millennial Reign of Christ, but not much else is coming out of my hands. This text did reassure me: “Trust the timing: Don’t let the fact that it hasn’t happened yet trip you up. There are so many unseen moving parts at play. Trust that there’s a reason for the “perceived” delay. And don’t get discouraged by the contrast of what you don’t want either. Use it as motivation to get excited about what you do want. Things are the same for so long, until all of a sudden everything is different. Yet the unique essence of this now moment will never be the same. The trick is to appreciate what’s here now while feeling excited for what’s to come. Look for more reasons to be grateful for what’s here now. And if it’s hard to find reasons to feel grateful, then try harder until it’s easy.” Image.
I was seeing strange things last week. Just about my whole field of vision was affected. Like there were some kind of streaks on it. It was blurry. Except for the core, which I focused on. This lasted about 10 minutes. I remained calm, but it was weird. I remember my sister also seeing weird things in her field of vision before she was taken over. I talk about that in this article. Last night I had another weird dream that ended with me saying, “But I don’t want that!” So exactly as I described earlier in this article. My voice was somewhat softer than the week before. As if I had less power to resist. And that’s probably exactly the point. They might just keep going until the little voice is completely extinguished, and I let myself take over.
Furthermore, every time I choose to express myself, I hope my confidence will grow a bit, but every time this reaction follows that I can’t cope with, and that throws me off guard and instills fear. You would think that at some point the fear would subside, and I would start to speak up more and more easily, but that is so not the case with me. It’s just as hard to speak out myself every time, because the thing I’m up against keeps getting bigger. I myself become more and more moderate, and what I’m up against becomes more and more aggressive. Even when people just ask a normal question, I already experience it as aggressive, very annoying. But especially when it comes to women, I get opposition. As soon as I say something about men, or to men, there is no reaction at all. So again, this is exactly the same as what I described in the section Referral to Center for Psychosis, when my reaction was disapproved of by a woman, and was rewarded with a a sausage roll by a man, exactly reverse polarized as it used to be at home at important moments.
This week there was a movie on TV called Replicas from 2018. In the movie, someone’s consciousness was uploaded, and it was also done using one of those big needles inserted into the main person’s eye. This has nothing to do with reality, but is a popular way of depicting the phenomenon in movies and dreams, and of course the vril-aliens described by Donald Marshall (who also have nothing to do with reality) also work that way, though they don’t use a needle, but their proboscis on their face. In real life it probably happens without any trigger in physical reality, but they can take you over from astral space just like that, if you let them.
I had a strange synchronicity or precognition. I had read in an Internet post that someone had drawn a knife on a piece of paper at school, and that the teacher punished him for it, but the reason he had drawn it, was because it was so easy to do, he had said. Then, while I was watching The Butterfly Effect from 2004 that same night, one of the main characters told about a drawing he or she had done, for which he or she got punishment. And I just knew for sure that a knife with blood would appear. And sure enough: a little later we saw the drawing and there was a knife with blood on it. This is how I often get to hear or see in advance, what will appear on my path. Similarly, someone came to check my central heating boiler, and I knew the day before that it would be a woman instead of the usual same man, because I was prepared for that with a Facebook quote. But what that all means, is often guesswork. I am often in the dark in that regard. The only times I talked about knives was in Section 1 of my story, when I expressed the then unconscious/unintentional aggressive fantasies to my therapist Anke. She was a very strong woman, very assertive, and she is a big reason why my actions sometimes do not match my feelings and thoughts, because she was really putting a lot of pressure on me, teaching me through her behavior that I could never act on those agressive feelings and thoughts. “Learning to handle your aggression,” she called it. I am still attracted to strong women, and have often looked for love outside myself, because of that. If there are so many nice and beautiful women in the world, why should I let my own personality limit me. I never understood that. I hate my personality. It is a prison, from which there is no escape, instinctively. And that originated in my part-time therapy. Would prefer to escape from it as much as possible, because there is no room to breath, no space to live. You can only have living space, when the energy, the charge in your body can just flow freely. But especially towards men, there is no living space in my personality. A big nothing. When they say that I refuse to look in the mirror and fail to confront myself, all I can say is: You don’t know what you are talking about. Normally when you are confronted with things, the charge is released and can move through the living space you have inside yourself. But there is nothing there with me, and that living space cannot be regained with me, so then it is logical for me to direct it towards women. But I am free to choose, it said in this Facebook text, Image, but this is not free of consequences, they said, so I would still get karma on me because of that, and I did experience that, when I said the truth about Adèle on Facebook, and on a video in which someone teaches his child to walk very forcibly and too fast. I said then that you shouldn’t let your child grow up too fast, and just encourage gently, not to slow, not too fast. Well, I got a lot of flack for that. People associate loving words with weakness, and they want to destroy it right away, and then the insults come. But I’m still there, I survived, and I’m now a lot more desensitized again. A postive side effect is that I now have no desire to watch porn. But I don’t know for how long. Because I have seen, how toxic people can react to me, that excessive urge, which comes mainly from fear, does extinguish. But I’m sure it will be temporary, because that fear of being destroyed is in my system forever. It cannot be overcome anymore. I am eager to get rid of all my bad habits one by one, but that is impossible if the root of the problem cannot be solved…
