A year ago, I wrote my article This christmas…. in which I described how I had celebrated Christmas with my taken over family. Unlike last year, this time I did join my brother and his family in Utrecht. It was certainly nice, despite the fact that I know they have all been taken over. At the end I was kind of spacing from fatigue. Because it’s a hustle and bustle, with those three children. My little nephew of 2 (who hosts an adult Dragon) did an ugly backflip off the couch. Fortunately, it was just the shock that made him cry. And furthermore he was hitting other people a few times. On purpose. He hit my dad, he hit me, and he hit one of his sisters, my niece. I said a few times: “Do not hit people!” but he just kept on going, so I put him in the corner. His mother came and asked who he had hit. “Everyone,” I said. Then she asked my taken over sister if he had hit her. “No!” And to my other niece: “No!” And then his mother made him say “Sorry!” to me, as if he had hurt me, and now had to apologize for hurting me. Which is ridiculous, because of course he didn’t hurt me. The issue for me is the act of hitting on purpose, which you have to unlearn. That’s their job, and that’s my job, if he does it to me. But they acted like I was being petty or something. Very weird!
Furthermore, one of my nieces was handing out commands again about what I should do and not do, according to her. She always does that. She often just acts unkind to me, a little prideful, so I told her to stop doing that, and not to try to control my behavior. The kid is almost 7, and hands out commands all day when I’m around. Then my taken over sister said, “Jesse, she’s just a child!” Yeah, so what, you can unlearn behavior from them, too, you know. You’d better do it as soon as possible, because if she behaves like that to her girlfriends at school, they’ll get fed up too. You should never let your child be unkind. Pretending she is like that, as if that is part of her identity, and you can’t or shouldn’t change it, is the stupidest thing you can do! Because then you only move the moment of confrontation to a later moment in her life. And if she started the behavior, she can unlearn it too. And especially with such controlling behavior, you just have to get right on top of it, until she loosens up and learns to communicate what really matters. When she wants to control everything, she stops the real contact, I know that all too well from my own experience. But then again, Dragons don’t have souls, so they are controlling anyway, and don’t listen for a second to you unlearning their behavior anyway. Yes, they pretend to listen, but meanwhile they give themselves all the freedom to, if necessary, do it again. They often burst out crying, which they then use as a means of manipulation. With children with a soul it is different: they cry because they are really sad. Children or people without a soul think they are sad, or think they have to cry in certain situations, while they are actually not sad at all. In those cases it only serves to draw attention, I totally recognize that too from when I was in my aggression, when I was 20 or 21 and had just finished clinical therapy. My Free Child state (a term from Transactional Analysis),was given free reign, and I did everything for the attention. If it was New Year’s evening, then every time I wished my family Happy New Year, I considered it a great time to start whining. Was I really sad? No, I just wanted attention, and that’s how I got it. Whereas now I only cry when I’m really sad and I have something to deal with. So I’ve gotten more ‘real’, more authentic.
This week my sister let me know that she had had a really bad conversation at work with a student and her husband, and she was in tears afterwards and she called everyone because she was so upset. Perhaps something happened, but I don’t really believe that she was very upset about it. I don’t think it’s a coincidence that she is going through something like this right now, and she let me know for a reason, not so much because she needs some support, because I think the Dragons that have been taken over can do just fine on their own, but because it’s my task to let go of something now. I will come back to this in a moment.
Furthermore, in the article Adventures with Estella, I said that lipstick scares me. And this is something these Antichrist entities have actually known for a long time. My sister got into the car yesterday when we went to my brother’s and what did she have on her lips: right, lipstick. She really never does that, but now she was sitting there with these signal colors on her lips. I really have something against it, find it disgusting to see, and find it absolutely shocking! That’s how severe that comes across to me. Always hated it. Then we get to my brother’s family home, and what do we have there: my niece of almost 7 also having lipstick on. One of those very red ones. Most people will call me crazy, but this was absolutely no coincidence. At one point my sister made a comment about my niece’s lipstick, and they winked at each other, so I’m just sure that they had agreed to do this, again as part of the treatment. Because now the treatment center is not in a clinic or other kind of group therapy, but they are taking over people in my surroundings so they can treat me in a targeted way. Which I absolutely disapprove of! And I have no doubt about this anymore. But I can’t do anything about it. They have all already been taken over anyway.
By repeating traumas in a moderate way, they can force you to deal with them differently, and you can let go of things from the past. So for a number of years now, the mental health center has been using people from my surroundings to treat me. They do this by taking over their bodies and pushing out the original soul and replacing it with a new soul, which does have all the memories of the original soul. These entities are completely under the control of the Antichrist group, who alongside the Lucifer group and the Satan group, are the evil forces on this world that are trying to accelerate the development of mankind, like the prison guards that they are.
After they first frightened me by having my father threaten me (read: One more indirect threat), and I could not vent my anger about this with my father, then my fear of hurting others resurfaced (that’s how it works with such fears), and with the help of Estella (read: Adventures with Estella) they made me let go of this fear towards women, because this fear had been created in me early in life by the behavior of my mother, who was regularly hurt when I was angry with her. The fear of being destroyed by men was not the only fear I had towards men, I also had this fear of hurting men with my own anger, as a kind of projection of my own pain, and this I then let go of, last time after my conversation with my deranged acting case manager, as I describe at the end of my article Deranged case manager buys car of my choice.
Because I can’t vent my anger with male figures as well as with female figures, I can only direct it at one person, and that is my sister, as it often used to be, when I was young. Then I was really a bit sadistic towards her. And that always frightened me so much, that it also became a trauma. S ee also Section 1 of my story, in which I explain all of this. It’s very clear to me that the mental health center is now trying to get me to let go of this part towards my sister, with the help of my sister, who is in tears from the bad conversation she had, my sister and my niece who are wearing lipstick and my niece who is unkind to me. They are already succeeding at this quite well, because I feel kind of guilty that I was irritated at my 7-year-old niece (the one with the lipstick) yesterday, when she was bossing me around like that.
Another thing she does is to let her bigger sister deprive her of her rights. She was playing the piano, and immediately her sister came to take over and show that she could do better, which is logical because she is 4 years older. So then the little one of almost 7 went on to do something else. So then I said to the one who was almost 11 that she should just let the little one of almost 7 play and not interfere. But the almost 7-year-old didn’t stand up for herself at all. She just let her older sister take over. Now she’s really in my thoughts. I start to worry a little bit then. And it’s like you’re damaging her, when you express your irritation, and so it reminds me very much of the situation with my sister.
It also evokes that whole situation with my father and my sister from the past. That my father slapped my sister in the face, and I stood by, traumatized and frozen, imitating him at various times in my life, unconsciously, because I was also damaged by him, and could not vent my anger either with my father or my mother. I would hit my sister, even though I really wanted to protect her from my father, which then became a major trauma. But that is very present in my thoughts now somehow.
I also can’t stand the fact that on the one hand, and this is what I am most ashamed of, I sometimes feel an urge to damage my sister and my niece, just like when I was young, while on the other hand I actually want to protect them from the destructive male figure (who is in my head) and actually love them super much. And you can understand that I can’t cope with that at all. So I have to let go of that, which I think I am doing now. Just cried a bit again because my sister and my niece are really in my head now. And meanwhile I know that my real sister died, and I have a fake sister, a clone, who is very nice and sweet to me, but doesn’t have the soul of my real sister. She is so different from my real sister. And I miss my real sister over and over again. I guess that will never go away! But I haven’t been able to protect her and it hurts so much. The same goes for my nieces and nephew who have also been taken over, and I have not been able to protect them. And then tomorrow a friend who has also been taken over was supposed to come and visit me, with his little daughter of 2, although that will not happen now because of my flu-like symptoms that are now suddenly playing up, also no coincidence. I don’t think it was a coincidence that they would come at that time either. Little girls just remind me of my twin sister, whom I love dearly, but who I also hurt at times, because she got in my way so tremendously, in my narrow psychological prison. I don’t have a personality disorder anymore now, so that’s why they are now letting me process everything step by step, I guess.
I would be glad to get rid of this bit, because I sometimes feel like a child abuser, while I am not, and while I want nothing more than to protect children and empower them to the fullest. After all, I know very well what it is like as a small child to be beaten and belittled time and time again. It is a difficult thing. And it pains me that at times I have to deal with this. Children are so vulnerable, especially if they have a soul. Everything they go through is just imprinted and stays in their system for life and so much can go wrong. They therefore deserve our utmost protection, because there are very dark people present in this world, who, unlike me, do act on every impulse, and that can be very dangerous!
UPDATE:
Before I could really descend into my grief, I already knew what was coming (hence this article), but my grief was blocked with a bad cold, and a very heavy head with a headache and sore throat, so I thought: it sure is going to be a big crying fit. And yes, today, when my cold was a bit better, it came out. I spent at least three quarters of the hour crying. Step by step I was able to let it all out. I was especially thinking about my sister. And about my psychopathic behavior in the past, and that I would have liked my sister to have had a better fate than being taken over by another entity. I also thought about how she was when we were little, and that we were always together, and how much I care about her and that I regret the things I did wrong towards her, even when I was a kid. It was tough, but I got myself through it again! And now I am exhausted!
Wishing you a very happy New Year’s Eve…
