It’s that time again: they threatened my life again! Why? Because, responding to a whole stream of Facebook quotes, I called them “gangsters” “who want to teach you kindness. These Antichrist entities think I should always be kind to them, while they constantly portray me as a gangster, when they themselves are. I said I have no respect for gangsters who kill people and then they came up with a message that I am “toast”. Well, put some marmalade on it then. Morons! I also said that if they can’t even handle someone’s opinion, then they were fruitcake gangsters. And so then they started threatening. They constantly call good evil and evil good. And they’re so good, and you’re so evil. And meanwhile they want to teach me how to deal with murderers, gangsters and attackers. While they themselves are. No, but mankind are the evil ones and they themselves are doing the good work. They call that love. But then again, your anger they don’t see as love, no, they call that hate. And if you resist, they accuse you of becoming “like the perpetrators” in your life, and “taking revenge,” whereas I think “resistance” is of a very different order than killing someone. So they are so evil that they want to suppress any reaction of yours to them. Normal people can tolerate this only if they have been given a firm foundation in their upbringing and have sufficient reserves against non-lethal attacks. Only then can they take on the aggression of lethal attacks. But I have had to deal with destructive attacks from a young age, and then you just have a wound, which makes you resist the destructive attacks of these Antichrist entities. But they have always ignored that part of me.
Furthermore, they accuse me of lying because I don’t always follow up my words with action. At least, I haven’t succeeded in this so far. They want me to overcome this great fear that is within me. I show loyalty to humanity rather than to God, of which, they say, they are a part. Humanity are the evils, and I’m forced to agree that they kill as many of them as possible. After all, that is God’s job. (!!!) Anyone who rebels against this abject game, or confronts these entities directly, is seen as evil, because “doesn’t agree with God’s plan”, and is eliminated. So you must approve of what ‘God’ (=the Antichrist) is doing and meanwhile work for them to present the truth to humanity in your works. They don’t care about your vulnerability. While I explained it to them from the beginning. But they never understood it, because now they are amazed that with their magical interventions, I still seek to fight with them. They don’t care about old wounds. No, you have to leave the past behind and see the future positively. If you respond to such a Facebook quote with your opinion, they show the same quote again from another channel, making it seem like you are being stalked with this so-called “truth”. Furthermore, when I work for them, they tell me to focus mainly on the reward, which purportedly consists of all the people who would applaud me if I went on YouTube now and became popular. They think I would love that. But I don’t care. Then when I say, these people also didn’t care about my message when things were very bad for me, a few years ago, so that I’m not interested in receiving their approval, they share a message that says, “a message to show that we care” when they are the ones who made all the people’s heads turn away from me. You can’t say you care about someone and then not follow it up with action. If you show in actions that you don’t care about someone and then say you care about someone, what am I supposed to believe? That’s just pure manipulation and narcissistic abuse. And then they accuse me of being the one not aligning my actions with what I say, which with me just stems from fear and a lack of feeling strength to break through it. So it’s not intentional. But with them, it’s just pure schizophrenia inducing contradiction. They made everyone turn away from me, because in fact, they control exactly who responds to me. This can feel like protection, which should be positive, but it’s as fake as it gets. And I found it very hurtful that they let all those people ignore me. But of course I have to forgive that again. You can only forgive someone if they show change in their behavior. My father has done that. But these entities moving around me do not. And then at some point they have to admit the effect they have on me. But they don’t. And then I have to forgive them again while they have shown no change in behavior, and I have to take responsibility for everything they do, like a true Christ-figure, taking the whole world on his shoulders. The worst part is that I can’t do anything to resolve my vulnerability or make sure I can handle their aggression without getting angry. They think even feeling anger is immoral. And I should be mostly grateful for what I do have. And feel love for them.
I wish I could feel my body more. Feeling my roots, so I can fall back on it, but no, I’m always in my head, and an attack on my head, is a direct attack on me. Because I am my head. And yes, then you rebel when they attack you. Instead of grounding and falling back on the love of your own strength, which you received from your parents. But I didn’t receive love for my strength. God, I really wish I could be rid of it. It all hurts so much. And I hope that if I just take in enough Facebook quotes, that I’ll be brought to my grief, and then I’ll let it all go and be healed, but it doesn’t work that way. So yes, I just sit down and waste my time with those quotes, as they also tell me, but somehow I hope to get love in those texts, like my mother could give to me. Warmth, love, understanding, encouragement. But I never feel that, even if there are positive texts. And besides, even that can’t solve my problem.
And now all I can do is cry. Really everything emotionalizes me. When I lay down on the couch and closed my eyes for a while, I calmed down. And I felt pretty good after that. But then as soon as I try to do something again, I’m getting very anxious, an ignored remnant of my problem. They want me to turn off my feelings completely, and then just comply with all their stupid demands. I literally have to be someone else, and I often long for that too. They have listened to me in NOTHING. They have shown NO understanding. And then you think, now is my “See ya!” moment, but no, they don’t even see that. Absolute weirdos they are. And then I have to laugh, that they have a whole culture of ooooh Dragons are so beautiful, and Wolves are so beautiful (because that’s what they call themselves), but it’s all hot air. Spittingly ugly! And when people and animals learn manners, they call it domestication! And make fun of it with little dogs with clothes on and more of that nonsense.
No, there are only two forces important in this universe, and they are ‘freedom’ and ‘love’. We are not all the best examples of them, because of course we sometimes unconsciously imitate these weirdo’s. But we don’t have to be the best either. If people can grow up in freedom and love, they don’t need all this worthless rape therapy. It’s an insult to being human. With their dumb obsessions with “becoming strong.” Strong against what! Against those same idiots. They shouldn’t think they are something. They are clowns, literally and figuratively. And if they think they’re more than that, show then your ability to behave. I’m not going to put up with that shit from you guys anymore. But oh how much they need love while acting like pure retards. I’ve shown enough understanding in my work. I’m finished with that. I have no sympathy for murderers! Not even if they are called God! A God should not oppress his people.
I am angry. That much is clear. And on YouTube, a video appears in my summary titled, “I know you’re angry. So am I,” and later another video with “Please express yourself as soon as possible.” Yeah, so they can suppress me again after that or even kill me, right? What a shitshow! If I try to look positively at the past few days, I can say that I have overcome something very important, and which had been bothering me for a long time. I had hoped that once I am among people I would be a little less impotent, so that I can just express myself freely. Only when I’m able to express myself, can I mingle with people on YouTube or in real life, because to do that at the moment, I have to go on autopilot like a zombie or a robot and pretend I don’t feel anything, in short: totally ignore my own feelings and limits. And I just can’t do that. If I try to keep faith that it’s all for a good cause, I can still handle my life, even though I feel increasingly unstable emotionally. And I jump from one emotion to another all day long…
